Letting the wind blow through you

I've always loved the wind. 

On Friday night, my Mom and I were walking back to her car after an event and the wind was really blowing. Temperatures were low already, and the wind was biting cold and whipping us about.

I didn't really mind it at all.

Sure, in the moment, it was cold, but after a few seconds I got used to it, and when it stopped, I instantly felt warmer and somehow better. I have felt this way many times before - refreshed by the wind - and it turns out that the Dutch consider spending time in the wind as a cure for stress. 

We've long known that spending time in nature can help lessen the effects of stress, but this is the first time I've heard of a stress cure involving the wind: Uitwaaien. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to pronounce that word yet, but I have thought through many reasons why this makes complete sense to me.

For example, when people feel shame or guilty about something, I have heard the advice to take a shower. And that act is often interpreted by the brain is washing away our bad feelings. So, I can take the leap of faith to believe that the wind is blowing the stress off me.

It couldn't hurt to try it, right? At the very least, you'll get fresh air and maybe your brain will put the oxygen to good use.

What interesting cures do you have for relieving stress? Tell me in the comments.

Making peace for your health

It's already mid-November and everyone around me seems to be stressed out about the holidays. They are trying to make travel arrangements or planning a menu or preparing themselves for seeing family that they don't get along with.

That last one is pretty important. I hear it in the hallways of my office: People talking about having to tolerate an awful in-law or uncle or cousin. Then there is a big sigh and a statement about how thankful that it is only a few times a year they have to deal with this person. 

All those negative family relationships could be affecting your health. In the somewhat small study on that link, researchers found that there may be a connection between chronic illness and the tensions encountered with a "family of origin" (as opposed to a spouse).

This seems a little bananas to me. It's hard to believe that your family can negatively impact your health if you have tension with them - even if you don't see them very often. I do hope that there is a larger more diverse study done to solidify the findings.

At any rate, I will just take this as a reminder that family is important. And even if you don't get along with them, you should still try to find some common ground and enjoy the holidays.

What are you most looking forward to this holiday season? Tell me in the comments.

Eating with single children

My wonderful husband was recently at a conference for work, and throughout the week, I noticed something strange happening to the dinners my son and I shared. To start, they went faster - we ended up eating leftovers several times throughout the week so that I didn't have to cook as often. I also broke out more games to play at the table (maybe I was trying to distract us from missing my husband). Finally, they seemed slightly more boring, as I was trying to cater to my son's tastes that week.

When my husband returned, I made a dish that he and I enjoy, but my son does not. (Our son had an alternative option that night.) All of this made me wonder if we should be thinking about our dinner choices more.

I did an exercise a few years ago in which I made 100 new-to-us recipes and added the dishes that we all liked to our meal planning. There were not a lot of them that got added, but it did open up some possibilities for us. Most of the dishes that we added were pretty healthy.

And that last piece of information is important, because families with single children tend to make less healthy eating decisions. There's no specific reasons why that seems to be the case, but I know that I have a tendency to spoil my only child a bit, and I could see how that would easily get out of control with food.

I guess all of this is just another reason for me to review my son's caloric intake over the given week - looking at the total of the meals he gets at both home and school and to make sure we are introducing new foods wherever we can. (Sometimes he is open to it; sometimes he is not.)

What tricks do you have to keep your dinners healthy? Share with me in the comments.

Check in on sleep

We've had an action-packed month. Looking over all the activities we've completed while still going to work or school, I am sure that none of us have gotten enough sleep. There have been numerous nights in which I've looked at the clock and realized it was well past my son's bedtime. And there have been many other nights when I've looked at the clock and realized it was past my bedtime.

And that bums me out, because I know how important sleep is for all our health.

My son's schedule has shifted dramatically this year because his school start time changed, but we were really careful to ensure that he was still going to bed at a time he could still get around 9 hours of sleep. Nine hours sounds like a long, luxurious amount of time to an adult, but it is actually the minimum amount of recommended time for his age group. 

There will be plenty of times in my son's life when he will not make sleep a priority: When he is up late hanging out with friends, or when he is cramming for a test in college, or when he is awake at night trying to get his own child to sleep. But for now, I should be the one to ensure he is sleeping enough.

That means that I have to pay attention to the clock. And maybe (hopefully) that will remind me to pay attention to the clock for myself so that I get to bed on time, too.

How many hours of sleep does your child get at night? Share the number in the comments.

The dinnertime surroundings

There are a lot of things that I love about our home - the loft area with the bookshelves that my wonderful husband built, the ability for me to have my own office, and the breakfast nook where we eat the majority of our meals. I love that little nook. There are large windows that look out onto our private backyard so the view is very green and it is not facing the street, so it tends to be quiet.

While we do take our meals in the dining room on occasion, I feel that the nook is cozier - especially when our cat winds her way through our legs during dinner. (She's not begging; she just really likes us to know that she is there.)

We don't eat out that often, but when we do, I find myself easily irritated by restaurants that have multiple televisions in them. I understand if we choose to eat in a sports bar type of place, but I have seen more and more televisions appear in restaurants that don't make sense. I am annoyed by them, because they capture my son's attention as he eats and he will inevitably end up ignoring us - even when there are just commercials on.

I do my best to keep us away from all screens at the dinner table, and we are pretty good about it. In addition to having us all pay attention to each other, it turns out that meals that are screen-free tend to be healthier. Maybe that feels a little obvious: When you are staring at a screen, you aren't necessarily paying attention to how much food you are shoveling into your mouth. (This is the reason I always run out of popcorn so early in a movie - I am eating it during the previews and don't really notice.)

So, we will continue to eat at home whenever possible and enjoy the good conversation and views. And, when we do eat out, I will try to not be overly annoyed at the televisions that crop up into our views. Or, maybe I'll start keeping a mental list of the places that don't have them.

Where do you eat most of your meals as a family? Tell me in the comments.

Keeping Mommas happy

My son is at the stage where he likes to spend more time with Dad than Mom. It's really sweet to see the two of them together: Playing games, laughing at silly jokes and sharing hobbies. I know that my husband has been patiently waiting for my son to reach this stage - those toddler and early child years when our son only wanted to shadow Mommy were a long wait.

And, to be honest, it's freed up some time for me to figure out some things that I would like to do. It's nice to be able to focus on myself and rediscover the things that make me happy.

And - of course - when Momma is happy, everyone in the family is happy.

It's an old saying, but there is some support to show that it might be true. A Mother's happiness affects everyone in the family - more than a Father's happiness does (sorry, Honey!).

It's hard to think that one person in the family matters that much, since I am so used to thinking of everyone needing to contribute to the overall family's well being. So, maybe we all need to take some time and check in with our family and see if everyone is happy.

Back to school germs

When my son was a baby in daycare, every time he was exposed to new infants, he would get sick. This, of course, meant that my husband and I would get sick. New room, new germs, new illness. The cycle continued for years.

By the time he started Kindergarten, I felt that my son had a strong immunity. I figured he had plenty of exposure to other children and new germs at that point. I don't know if that was really true, but I do know that he didn't get sick that year.

I am still mindful that going back to school includes a high likelihood that my son will either get sick or bring home a virus that takes my husband or I out of commission for a few days. It's just one of those things that we expect. In our household, we continue to focus on things like hand washing and not sharing items with someone who is sick - the basics.

What I find interesting is that every parent I talk to has learned that back-to-school may mean back-to-being-sick at some point early on in the school year, but researchers have a hard way of proving that we are all correct. It's hard for them to figure out if your child is a carrier or not for an infectious disease. (Well, at least it is hard to figure it out until you get sick and your child then tells you that someone they were playing with at recess a few days ago is also out sick.)

I figure that my son will probably be ill at least once a school year. And that means I'll probably get it, too. Having that mindset makes it easier to deal with when it does happen, and it becomes a pleasant surprise if we've managed to stay healthy all year long.

How many times during the school year does your child get sick? Talk about it in the comments.

More talk about sex

My son and I are on the porch, eating breakfast and talking about puberty. You know, typical morning conversation topics.

I am fine with him talking about whatever subject he wants in the morning. And that includes sex.

I've chatted with my son about sex multiple times over the last few years. We have talked about it at dinner. We've talked about it on the way to school. We've talked about it on the porch. And that is a good thing: Parents who talk to their children about sex generally promote safer sexual behavior.

But that is not really the reason why I talk to my son about these topics. I talk to him about these things because I want him to have accurate information in his brain. I want him to know that he can ask me questions. And, I want him to understand sexual health from both a man and a woman's viewpoint.

Will this all work in the long run? I have hope that the studies are all correct, but moreover, I have the hope that my gut is correct. I feel like I am arming my son with information on a variety of topics. And that is always (in my eyes) a good idea.

Are you comfortable talking to your child about sex? Tell me in the comments.

Getting a little dirty this summer

There we were: The final day of scout day camp. 

I wasn't with my son's group, but I knew what he had been up to all week: The climbing, the range practice, the kickball, the fishing, the hiking...the evidence of the day was proudly displayed on his clothes.

But none of that prepared me for watching more than 100 children get sprayed by a firetruck hose and then wallow (there really is no other word for that) in the mud. They stomped in mud puddles, they rolled in the dirt, they kept running toward the stream of water to clean them off enough so they could get dirty again.... Part of me was horrified as I thought about the time and that these children would be packed off into their parents' cars in about an hour. The stains on the car seats...the wet socks and shoes...the smell...

And then, I remembered that these were kids, and they were having so much fun. They should get dirty while they still can.

The firetruck hose stopped and scores of wet children came up to me, asking me if I wanted a hug. Of course I let those soggy little dirt monsters hug me. It made them so happy to do that. They shook like wet dogs to try and get me and the other parents even more wet. They giggled and ran off to find other adults to terrorize.

It was a good reminder for me that we all need to play in the dirt some time. It's good for our physical and mental health - microbes and fresh air and giving our brains a break from over stimulation...that is what time outside does for us. 

So, this summer, as my son embarks on new adventures at camp, I will remind myself that he is supposed to get dirty. (And I'll keep trash bags in the car to lay down over the back seats.)

How much time are your children spending outside this summer? Tell me in the comments.

Mom, will you watch my kid?

I love watching my parents interact with their grandchildren. Whether or not they realize it, they are always beaming, or looking incredibly interested in the most mundane topics or have a look on their face that says, "this child before me can do no wrong."

I know my son absolutely adores the time that he gets to spend with them, and he is always so bummed when that time comes to an end. He protests that they have to leave; he declares that he could just go home with them and he complains that the time together is not enough.

What he doesn't realize is that the time he spends with them is probably keeping them younger. Research has shown that caregiving activities can help keep older folks living longer.

That is a pretty powerful statement. But I can understand how it is true: When we take care of someone else we feel needed and wanted. When we care for someone younger than us, we are probably learning something new in the process. All of those things lead to keeping the mind and body actively engaged in the present.

My son has another magical summer planned, but maybe I need to review it and find a few free days that he can spend with his grandparents. Because spending time with them is meaningful for everyone. And that is definitely worth making time for.

How often do your children get to spend time with their grandparents? Share with me in the comments.

Preparing for puberty early

My son and I were returning from the shoe store, when he asked me to give him an overview of what happens during puberty. I am starting to get used to these moments with my son - he likes to ask questions while we are in the car. From his perspective this makes a lot of sense: He doesn't have to have his parents looking directly at him, he has a captive audience and he can get all his questions answered.

So, we talked about puberty during the 20-minute drive home. We talked about the way each gender experiences it, the physical and emotional changes, the age of rages it could occur in, and how everyone goes through it. We ended with a reminder that when he is going through puberty he can always talk about what he is experiencing and ask questions when he has them.

I was prepared to have this conversation. I've been frank with my son about sex and anatomy for several years. I figured that if I am not squeamish about the topic and use the same tone and confidence I use when I am teaching him how to cook, then he will always feel comfortable asking me questions when he has them. (Hint: It helps to use the correct anatomical terms.)

I am sure that more talks about puberty are coming. I read a helpful reminder that some children go through puberty much earlier than we realize (with some girls starting at age 7.) While that is difficult for some parents to think about, this made me remember that my little boy is quickly growing up.

What tips do you have for helping your child prepare for puberty? Tell me in the comments.

A prescription for outdoor play

Whenever we go camping with the scout pack, I lose my son to the woods. Actually, we lose all the campers to the woods. They find a tree or a pile of rocks to make into a fort and the adventure begins. We have to call them away from their play to do the scheduled activities like rock climbing and fishing. They like those things too, but as soon as we are back on site, they run back to the woods.

While we have woods near our home, there isn't a band of children for my son to go exploring with. I often wish that we had a park in our community to encourage him to meet more children from the neighborhood. Maybe I just need to do more research.

Or maybe the research has already been done. Doctors are using apps to recommend local parks for outdoor play as a part of overall wellness, so I am sure I could find something similar. I am not surprised that playing outside has become a prescription of sorts - the fresh and sunshine is good for the whole family.

On my part, I think I just have to schedule it into our free time. It feels a little funny to schedule time for outside fun, but it is better than missing the opportunity.

How much outdoor playtime does your family get? Tell me in the comments.

That first meal of the day

My son and I don't have breakfast together very often. His school provides breakfast for all students, and most days he is happy to eat with his friends before school starts. There are some days when he checks the school meal schedule, declares that he is not excited about breakfast, and gets himself something from the pantry.

On those days (and on the weekends when we have more time), we sit and talk while we eat. I tend to think of it as a bonus to our mornings when we are able to make that meal happen.

Of course, when school is out and my son goes to camp, we have breakfast together every day. I need to make sure he gets some protein in his system before all the jumping/swimming/climbing activities that makes up his day.

To me, breakfast is the fun meal. Interestingly, it is also the meal that could help teens have a healthy body image. I'm not entirely sure that I understand the correlation - is it the time together or the quality of the meal that helps your teen more?

I know that the high schools in our district start early, so I am not sure how we would be able to fit this time into a morning routine unless my bear starts to like mornings more. But, my son is still young, so I have lots of time to still figure it out. Until then: I look forward to breakfast together on the weekends.

Are you ever able to eat breakfast with your teen? Tell me in the comments.

The sleep we all need

Our son's school recently announced a change to its bell schedule for the next school year. Instead of starting at 9:15 am (which admittedly is a late start), they will be starting at 7:15 am.

I cannot overstate the push back this news received in my household.

My son was aghast, since 7:15 is the time he normally wakes up in the morning, and he began mourning the loss of his future sleep. He also started spouting my words back at me about how children need to make sure they get enough sleep every night, and that this change was going to ruin his ability to concentrate. (I only have myself to blame.)

My husband, quite rightly, pointed out that our morning and evening routines would need to be adjusted to meet this new schedule, and that he and I would probably have to get used to new traffic patterns on our way to work as a result.

The announcement included all the reasons the school wanted to make the change - and I do support the school in its reasoning - but I am still thinking about the sleep factor.

I think my son gets plenty of sleep right now, but if you ask him, he states that it is never enough. I often wonder if this is because I equate "sleeping" with "going to bed," and he is really laying there for a long time trying to fall asleep. I know that my husband has struggled with his own sleep rhythms for most of his life. While I can be sympathetic to that, I don't really know what it feels like for either of them.

So, I am trying to approach the changes to our schedules with an open mind. The last thing that I want is to negatively affect my son's sleep at such an early age. But it is hard to know the full impacts to any adjustments, since research is still so divided on how much sleep is enough.

I think this is one of those areas where we all have to learn how our bodies fit within the guidelines.

Do you know how many hours of sleep you need at night to feel rested? Tell me in the comments.

Good habits in the bathroom

My son is working on refining his "clean routine" habits. Mostly, this has included making him more aware of the amount of time he spends in the bathroom in the evenings. He gets distracted in there - singing and talking to his reflection in the mirror.

I tried putting a shower clock in his bathroom, but that didn't work. He didn't notice the passage of time. So, we switched to a Time Timer which allows him to see how much time is slipping away. It seems to be working a bit better, as he has now invented his own version of the "beat the clock" game, but I still have to check that he is completely clean.

The next area I've started asking him about is the amount of toothpaste he uses. When he first started brushing his teeth, we would put a pea-sized amount on his brush and tell him that was the right amount to use. When he took over the job himself, we didn't do a great job of checking up on him, and one day realized that he was using too much.

I blame the toothpaste companies for always showing a full swish of toothpaste.

So, we are now getting him to use less toothpaste, since using too much causes kids to get too much fluoride, which is not a good thing for developing teeth.

I am thankful that my son is older now and it is easier to have these conversations with him. When he was a little younger, he was so focused on getting his independence from our toothbrush monitoring, that I am not sure he would have listened to the reasons why he needed less toothpaste.

Seems like such a little thing...but most of parenting is made up of these little conversations.

How old was your child when you stopped monitoring their tooth brushing? Tell me in the comments.

Talking about growing bodies

My son likes to tell me about all the things he will do when he turns nine. He has big plans. I like hearing his thoughts about what he thinks he will be ready for. But as I listen to him go through his litany of new responsibilities and privileges, I have to remind myself to have another talk with him about how his body will continue to change.

Mostly this talk is about how he will continue to grow and he may see his body shape change slightly or get more hair in places that he didn't have it before. He usually takes this information in stride, because he is used to asking me about body stuff (oh...if only my anatomy teacher could see me now.)

What I do need to start considering is incorporating information about how the girls in his class are also changing. I don't want him to think that only boys go through body changes every year, and if I start incorporating both genders into our talks now, it will take some of the mystery out of puberty for him.

I remember my Catholic school separating out the boys and the girls in our health class to have a talk about puberty, but we were in eighth grade at that point and most of the girls had already had their period. We had no idea what the boys were discussing, and it was only a few days later on the playground that we had a class-wide conference that shared all the details from the separated talks.

While I am not looking forward to discussing all aspects of puberty with my son (and research shows that parents aren't comfortable discussing menstruation with their daughters either), I will chalk this talk up to one of those things in life that I would rather he learn from his parents.

The key is to think about it all ahead of when it will really be needed.

How do you prepare for discussions about puberty with your child? Share your tips in the comments.

Rethinking the sun block

I get a sunburn easily. At least that is what I thought.

When I was little, I would get pretty tanned in the summertime. Of course, I would be playing outside every day and my Mom took us to the pool lots. Did she put sunscreen on us? I think so. But I am sure that it was not the same as the SPF 70 I insist on using today.

What I wasn't thinking about was the pattern: Playing outside every day built up a tan. I don't really remember getting a truly bad sunburn. I got plenty of vitamin D.

Cut to today: My levels of vitamin D are low. I am indoors for most of the day. When I do go outside in the summer, I slather on the sunscreen and get a burn on the spots that I miss.

I am missing out on the gradual exposure part that I had when I was little. Being outside every day - no matter the season - built up my tolerance levels. I wasn't shocking my body with intense summer exposure like I am now.

Is my thinking correct? Probably. I mean, my son plays outside every day, builds up a gradual tan throughout the late Spring and early Summer, and while he still needs sunscreen on the highest-UV days, he is generally sunburn free.

There is also this latest research saying that sunscreen might be solving one problem while causing several others.

I'm not saying we will be ditching the sunscreen, but I am saying that I am re-thinking the way we apply it.

Does your family spend enough time outside in the Spring to get ready for Summer? Tell me in the comments.

Would you trust your phone to detect your mood?

Sometimes my son tells me he is fine when he is clearly not fine. I know that to be true, because right after he tells me he is fine, he stomps up the stairs, and slams the door to his room.

We all do this - not necessarily the stomping part, but the claiming an emotion we are not actually feeling. And when we are adults, that is really on us to be able to clearly communicate our emotions accurately. For our children - including our teenagers - we may need more than words to tell us what is really going on.

Don't worry, there may be an app for that.

Some phone apps are being developed to monitor your teen's mental health - specifically to alert parents to depression. Typing speed, word choice, the phone tracking a teen's location as "mostly at home" could be an early warning signal that your child may not actually be ready to talk about. And since so many of our teens suffer from depression, getting an early warning system in place would get them the help they need much faster.

It's a little creepy, yes, but I think we all know at this point how much our phones are spying on us. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get something good out of it.

Would you want your teen's phone to alert you to potential signs of depression? Talk to me about it in the comments.

Are your children moving enough?

I really like my son's doctor. She has known him since he was only a few days old, and she has watched him grow up. In all the times that we have seen her, she has taken the time to answer all my questions (and allay my new-mom fears). Now that he is older, I've noticed that she has taken some extra time to answer my son's questions.

I like that she asks him questions and talks to him. And I like how in her conversation with him she tackles a number of topics - including how he feels about school and his physical activity especially since the physical activity bit is important for all children and is a good indicator of overall health.

While physical activity is easy in the warmer months - with parks and outside recess and summer air - it is a little harder to ensure that we are fitting it into our winter days. My son always has a blast when he is outside, but he takes a little motivating to get out there when it is cold. (Unless it is actually snowing where we live...then all bets are off, and he is the first one out the door.)

I can't say that I blame him. When I am cold, I don't want to go outside and play either. But our health is important, so I need to find more reasons to brave the weather and ensure our heart rates are taken care of.

What games do you play with your children in the colder months? Tell me in the comments.

When your birthday really matters

I have a birthday in June.

When I was little, this meant that I could stay up as late as I wanted on my birthday or celebrate it with a slumber party on the day of my birthday without having to wait until the weekend. But I was sometimes unhappy that I had a birthday outside of the school's calendar: I couldn't celebrate by bringing treats into the classroom, or by however the teacher gave students special attention on their big day.

It also generally meant that I was younger than a lot of my friends in school. But, since it was only a few months, it didn't seem to matter.

What I didn't realize is that being younger by a few months really matters when parents are first entering their children into school, as most states have a cutoff date for Kindergarten entry. And - the younger you are when you start Kindergarten, the less mature you will be. That means that school can be a strain for those "younger" children, and in some cases, lead to them being diagnosed with ADHD more often than their peers.

That is a tricky diagnosis, and it is a tricky label to shake. Once you have a doctor who believes the diagnosis is correct, it is a long, uphill battle to determine if the diagnosis is correct. So it is up to parents to be the advocate for their child and speak up if they want a second opinion.

It's hard to remember how much difference a few months can make when we are adults. But to our children - the ones who still say their ages in terms of years-and-a-half - the months really do matter.

Were you the oldest or youngest child in your class growing up? Tell me in the comments.