tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11657133526392196262024-03-13T21:52:01.640-07:00Sorry, Mom. I didn't listen.Reviewing the life lessons I didn't learn correctly the first time.Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.comBlogger1155125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-79105701831623546062019-12-06T04:35:00.001-08:002019-12-06T04:35:17.533-08:00The way parents feel about school matters<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sometimes my son asks me how I felt about school. I tell him about the positive things I liked about it - the library, getting to run messages to the teachers, picking my classes as I got older - and the weird things - like the time that I got roped into helping one of the nuns, lost track of time and missed science class.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1ofGVba2tRw/VPz8pwvjjxI/AAAAAAAAApA/5zl_3gIlPrUNoq26xySBR4nbtX3cCfZLACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/school.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="747" height="267" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1ofGVba2tRw/VPz8pwvjjxI/AAAAAAAAApA/5zl_3gIlPrUNoq26xySBR4nbtX3cCfZLACPcBGAYYCw/s400/school.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I do not focus on the unpleasant bits - like all of seventh grade science class - but I do try to paint him a picture of fun learning and challenges to be met. When we are young, school exposes us to lots of topics - and we might not be good at all of them. As we get older, we get to choose the subject we care most about and explore it further.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm careful with what I share because I know that my thoughts about school - especially higher education - will <a href="https://yle.fi/uutiset/osasto/news/study_parents_heavily_influence_childrens_attitude_towards_school/11094524" rel="nofollow">shape my son's thoughts about school</a>. When I share my college stories with my son, I tell him about the good times (although to be honest, I don't remember many bad times). I pull out the photo albums I have from those days and show him my school records. He has a hard time recognizing me in some of the pictures, but he likes them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know my son has good days and bad days at school. That is to be expected. What I don't want is for him to feel like school is something to get through. Rather, I want him to see school as an opportunity to explore the topics that interest him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do you share your school experiences with your children? How does it go? Tell me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-32894613172946010902019-12-04T06:30:00.000-08:002019-12-04T16:53:02.091-08:00Making a little music<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We had bought our son a guitar a few years ago after he had mentioned he wanted to learn how to play it, but that desire was short lived. Maybe we rushed it. Or maybe we didn't ask the right questions to determine if it was really the right instrument for him.</span><br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nTyHt6TdEQc/Un6B9jWP_uI/AAAAAAAAAL4/4BEiqTOE4XgZC94UXscjuJ0nBZBZi5M2gCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/music.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="286" data-original-width="288" height="397" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nTyHt6TdEQc/Un6B9jWP_uI/AAAAAAAAAL4/4BEiqTOE4XgZC94UXscjuJ0nBZBZi5M2gCPcBGAYYCw/s400/music.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A year later, the music teacher at our son's school gave him a few drum lessons. He seemed to really enjoy that and often beats out a rhythm on surfaces with his fingers or pencils or whatever else is handy. He tells us that he wants to play drums.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">He has said this for long enough that I am starting to believe him. But, I'd like to try and learn from my previous mistakes, so I am reviewing the <a href="https://www.studyinternational.com/news/5-things-parents-can-do-to-keep-their-children-in-music-classes-longer/" rel="nofollow">tips on this link regarding music lessons</a> for children.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My first step is to find out if he really wants to play the drums.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The good news is that the guitar that we bought is getting some use. My wonderful husband is teaching our niece some things on it, since he knows how to play. It's great to see her take an interest in an instrument and hopefully she has chosen the right one for her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Does your child play an instrument? How did they pick what they wanted to play? Share the story in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-20598263724842366452019-12-02T05:34:00.000-08:002019-12-02T05:34:16.653-08:00LIttle faces staring at little screens<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">While we do not normally go out for black Friday sales, my family ventured to a few stores over the weekend to look at furniture. I knew this would be boring for my son, but I reminded him that not every moment of his life is going to be filled with excitement and fun. I still think he managed to find his own fun, as he asked to explore the children's section of the store on his own (and was allowed to do so). We caught up with him in the office furniture section (he was checking out the chairs).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Kcij-XRbTc/U0rj-MFjDYI/AAAAAAAAATM/zOcuAgOUHUgw_dC6ecmWtM1ITHU2A628wCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/media_mondays.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="429" data-original-width="750" height="228" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Kcij-XRbTc/U0rj-MFjDYI/AAAAAAAAATM/zOcuAgOUHUgw_dC6ecmWtM1ITHU2A628wCPcBGAYYCw/s400/media_mondays.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As my husband and I were looking around the store, I saw several other families there and every single child had their head down in a screen. Even the children still in strollers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">While
I've gotten used to seeing older children with screens, I will admit
that I didn't like seeing all those toddlers staring down at little
screens.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I, of course, do not know how long those families were out shopping that day and if this was a reward for being good. And, of course, I completely understand letting a child have some fun when they are going to be dragged around all day. Our son was allowed to use his iPad on the long drive up to the store and home again, and that was his only screen time for the day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's hard not to let your child exceed their daily screen time amount, <a href="https://pix11.com/2019/11/26/explosive-growth-in-toddlers-screen-time-studies-say/" rel="nofollow">which is probably why toddlers are currently getting too much of it</a>. When you start adding up all those short sessions over the course of a day - before you realize it, they have gone way over the recommended amounts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My son is old enough that he understands why his screen time is limited. Granted, he doesn't like it, but he seems to understand it. There are going to be times in his life where he will be bored, and that is OK. I want him to be able to find the worth in any situation without having to rely on a little screen.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do you use screen time as a reward? Tell me about it in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-54453716009876140522019-11-29T05:14:00.000-08:002019-11-29T05:14:16.133-08:00Lowering the bar on family meals<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know that I put a lot of pressure on myself to have my family eat together. I meal plan, I leave work at strategic times to try and avoid traffic to get dinner on the table on time, and I review the week's activities to see where conflicts arise.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wPLGvjt8E7Q/U-3iTl-4-kI/AAAAAAAAAeM/kwGKghbBCRsHlanKVZVuq-vrCYDPHr8mQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/plate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="615" data-original-width="500" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wPLGvjt8E7Q/U-3iTl-4-kI/AAAAAAAAAeM/kwGKghbBCRsHlanKVZVuq-vrCYDPHr8mQCPcBGAYYCw/s400/plate.jpg" width="325" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I want us to eat together. It is my reward for a long day of work to spend time with the two guys I love the most in this world. I love it when we are connecting over silly stories from the day or talking through future plans or simply catching up.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There have been tons of studies touting the benefits of eating together as a family. And I get that. But it is still a lot of pressure. So it is nice to see that <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/seven-research-backed-tips-to-make-the-most-of-family-meals-no-matter-how-often-they-happen/2019/11/19/d432492e-0577-11ea-b17d-8b867891d39d_story.html" rel="nofollow">we can all lower the bar when it comes to family meals</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">While there are a lot of important tips on that link, the one that stood out to me the most was this one: To get the benefits of family meals, you really just need two people twice a week. That is totally doable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Granted, I will still try to get us to eat together as often as possible, but now all those times when it is just my son and I at breakfast or my husband and son together at weekend lunch, I know that we are still getting all the connectivity and positive vibes from each other that we need.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What is your favorite meal to eat together as a family? Tell me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-3639825714708184312019-11-27T05:22:00.001-08:002019-11-27T05:22:54.496-08:00I'm not going to do this for you<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I love that my son is fairly tall for his age. First of all, it is handy that he can reach items on shelves without my help. But more importantly, it is a constant reminder that he is getting older and can do things for himself. Like at dinner time: He is more than capable of serving himself food or getting himself more to drink. I don't need to do any of that for him, and he actually enjoys serving himself dinner. Same thing for weekend lunches: He can handle that task by himself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Granted, he is still nine years old. So, I still have to follow up with him on homework and extra-curricular activities. I don't expect him to be able to project manage at this point, but I do praise him lots when he is focused and on top of his own work. I try to take the time to teach him how to think through his work, but I know this lesson will take a long time to sink in. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Essentially, I am trying to ensure that he knows there are things I'm not going to do for him anymore and that I expect him to do for himself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Every year, my husband and I add to our son's chore list. He doesn't like this. He rebels against this. He gets the chores anyway. I remind him that he will not live with me forever and he will need to know how to take care of himself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Adding to my reasons to bolster his abilities is the fact that burnout is real. Children of helicopter parents (those parents who hover and don't let their children solve their own problems) <a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2019/11/22/study-kids-who-have-helicopter-parents-experience-burnout-in-school.html" rel="nofollow">experience a lot of burnout at school and in their personal lives</a> when they are faced with having to do things on their own.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, while I do rebel against the idea sometime, my son is growing up. And it is my job to help him do that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What is one task that you are looking forward to having your children do for themselves? Tell me in the comments. </span><br />
<br />Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-60456779852837285312019-11-25T04:43:00.002-08:002019-11-25T04:43:41.758-08:00How much space you will actually use<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sometimes I think about the spaces in our home and how we use them. Some rooms are obvious: Bedrooms, for example. We need those and spend lots of time in them. Some spaces feel underused. We have a beautiful loft area with custom book shelves built by my wonderful husband, but I don't spend as much time in that space as I thought I would. (Full disclosure: My son loves that space.) We recently reclaimed our screened-in back porch and made it a more welcoming space to be in.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mIouYAZ4en4/UnPxa-Vkm0I/AAAAAAAAAIQ/wtW4I3j_FAoGjqeFd32uT2jm-r6HkgnpQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/home.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="244" data-original-width="459" height="212" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mIouYAZ4en4/UnPxa-Vkm0I/AAAAAAAAAIQ/wtW4I3j_FAoGjqeFd32uT2jm-r6HkgnpQCPcBGAYYCw/s400/home.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">If we had a way to track our room usage, would we like what we saw? I feel like the dining room would be neglected, (although we do use it more than we did the first few years in our home), and I think the great room wouldn't get much traction either.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The point of all my wondering comes down to this: Did we buy the right sized house for our needs?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My husband and I spent a long time thinking about what we wanted in a home - especially in terms of space. While I know we compromised on some areas (sadly, no three-car garage for us), I think we were good about not falling into the trap of "more is better."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It is possible that I am biased. A group tracked a single family's use of the spaces in their home and <a href="https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/this-study-suggests-that-youre-wasting-a-ton-of-home-space" rel="nofollow">determined which rooms got the most (and least) amount of traffic</a>: It's those "extra" rooms that we claim we need for those just-in-case scenarios that we never go into. The formal dining room only gets love around holiday mealtimes; the guest bedroom only gets used a few times a year.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The result is that we are paying for spaces we rarely use.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Of course, I can't imagine myself being comfortable with a lot less space. While I know some people enjoy living in smaller homes (or have to if they live in more competitive housing markets), I have a pretty good idea of where my sweet spot is in terms of personal space. And, I'm fully aware that it changes over time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So don't take the spaces in your home for granted. Maybe you need them all and maybe you don't. For the ones you never go into, it may be worth finding out why. Maybe you could transform those spaces into places you'd actually venture.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do you have any underused areas of your home you'd like to put to good use? Tell me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-32144905317110967552019-11-20T05:09:00.002-08:002019-11-20T05:09:57.473-08:00I can't eat that<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When I was a little girl, there was another child in our school that was allergic to chocolate, and one of the nuns was allergic to eggs. And those two scenarios represented my exposure to food allergies...until I was an adult.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Now, I know a lot of people with food allergies. This comes from more people talking about them, but also because I prepare a lot of meals for cub scouts, and I HAVE to know what everyone is allergic to so I don't accidentally send anyone to the hospital. That position has given me insight into way more allergies than I was previously aware of: Nuts and dairy are still the two biggest offenders, but I have also seen soy, mushrooms, bell peppers and oranges. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And, of course, there is the sensitivity level range. Whenever I hear that one of our scouts has an allergy, I ask how sensitive someone is because we only have so many heat sources and cross-contamination is a very real concern. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The result is that I have a
lot of sympathy for folks who have to go through their lives
double-checking the contents of their food to ensure that they can eat
it.</span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am always impressed when one of the scouts will tell me what their allergies are, and how sensitive they are and what to do if they accidentally ingest something they are not supposed to. It's clear that they have had this drilled into them by some very good parents. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But younger children don't have the ability to speak for themselves, so it is up to parents to communicate allergies effectively. And that can be hard - <a href="https://www.allergicliving.com/2019/11/12/family-and-your-food-allergic-child/" rel="nofollow">especially with relatives</a>. It turns out that relatives are not-so-great at understanding food allergies. The good news is that most parents find a successful resolution with straightforward communication - which includes outlining the repercussions for their child. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">With the holidays coming up, it sounds like this is a good time to start reaching out to remind hosts of what children can't eat or to think through what dishes you could bring to the meals that you know are safe for everyone to eat.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Does your child have a food allergy that you need to warn others about? Share in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-13414488935605485212019-11-18T05:06:00.002-08:002019-11-18T05:06:41.517-08:00Letting the wind blow through you<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've always loved the wind. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">On Friday night, my Mom and I were walking back to her car after an event and the wind was really blowing. Temperatures were low already, and the wind was biting cold and whipping us about.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I didn't really mind it at all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sure, in the moment, it was cold, but after a few seconds I got used to it, and when it stopped, I instantly felt warmer and somehow better. I have felt this way many times before - refreshed by the wind - and it turns out that <a href="http://nautil.us/blog/the-simple-dutch-cure-for-stress" rel="nofollow">the Dutch consider spending time in the wind as a cure for stress</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We've long known that spending time in nature can help lessen the effects of stress, but this is the first time I've heard of a stress cure involving the wind: Uitwaaien. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to pronounce that word yet, but I have thought through many reasons why this makes complete sense to me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For example, when people feel shame or guilty about something, I have heard the advice to take a shower. And that act is often interpreted by the brain is washing away our bad feelings. So, I can take the leap of faith to believe that the wind is blowing the stress off me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It couldn't hurt to try it, right? At the very least, you'll get fresh air and maybe your brain will put the oxygen to good use.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What interesting cures do you have for relieving stress? Tell me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-54576693838888951782019-11-15T04:42:00.003-08:002019-11-15T04:42:27.335-08:00Making peace for your health<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's already mid-November and everyone around me seems to be stressed out about the holidays. They are trying to make travel arrangements or planning a menu or preparing themselves for seeing family that they don't get along with.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That last one is pretty important. I hear it in the hallways of my office: People talking about having to tolerate an awful in-law or uncle or cousin. Then there is a big sigh and a statement about how thankful that it is only a few times a year they have to deal with this person. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">All those <a href="https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2019-11-07/dont-get-along-with-family-check-your-health" rel="nofollow">negative family relationships could be affecting your health</a>. In the somewhat small study on that link, researchers found that there may be a connection between chronic illness and the tensions encountered with a "family of origin" (as opposed to a spouse).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This seems a little bananas to me. It's hard to believe that your family can negatively impact your health if you have tension with them - even if you don't see them very often. I do hope that there is a larger more diverse study done to solidify the findings.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">At any rate, I will just take this as a reminder that family is important. And even if you don't get along with them, you should still try to find some common ground and enjoy the holidays.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What are you most looking forward to this holiday season? Tell me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-78870533761664401542019-11-13T04:42:00.003-08:002019-11-13T04:42:47.564-08:00The stories we tell about family<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A few nights ago, I pulled out our family photo albums and had my son look through them with me. As a long-time scrapbooker, I am very proud of our family photo albums. I spend countless hours connecting the photos to the story of the event and the result is that the albums tend to read more like a story. They also tend to spark memories. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And that was my goal: To share memories with my son. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">While it is true that we focused on photo albums in which he is the main star, I do intend to go back in time a bit and show him the albums from before he was born. In other words, I want him to start hearing our family stories.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Of course, I don't want him to hear those stories just from me - I definitely want other family members to start sharing our family history more often. The time my Grandmother had to wear green underwear, the time my Dad got picked up by the police from elementary school (there was an issue with the road), the time my Mom had to sit through sex education class with a nun as her teacher...these are all the stories that I want passed on to my son. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Because even if we don't think he is listening, he is getting something from them. <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-secret-benefits-of-retelling-family-stories-11573468201" rel="nofollow">Most teens and young adults can tell their family stories</a> and - even better - they are able to get some nugget of wisdom from them later on in life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">How cool is that?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I think there is room for storytelling in everyday life, but I am also looking forward to the holidays and a chance to hear a little more about the past.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What family stories do you enjoy telling your children? Tell me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-60052259729457084112019-11-11T05:52:00.000-08:002019-11-11T05:52:16.982-08:00Eating with single children<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My wonderful husband was recently at a conference for work, and throughout the week, I noticed something strange happening to the dinners my son and I shared. To start, they went faster - we ended up eating leftovers several times throughout the week so that I didn't have to cook as often. I also broke out more games to play at the table (maybe I was trying to distract us from missing my husband). Finally, they seemed slightly more boring, as I was trying to cater to my son's tastes that week.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wPLGvjt8E7Q/U-3iTl-4-kI/AAAAAAAAAeM/kwGKghbBCRsHlanKVZVuq-vrCYDPHr8mQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/plate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="615" data-original-width="500" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wPLGvjt8E7Q/U-3iTl-4-kI/AAAAAAAAAeM/kwGKghbBCRsHlanKVZVuq-vrCYDPHr8mQCPcBGAYYCw/s400/plate.jpg" width="325" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When my husband returned, I made a dish that he and I enjoy, but my son does not. (Our son had an alternative option that night.) All of this made me wonder if we should be thinking about our dinner choices more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I did an exercise a few years ago in which I made 100 new-to-us recipes and added the dishes that we all liked to our meal planning. There were not a lot of them that got added, but it did open up some possibilities for us. Most of the dishes that we added were pretty healthy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And that last piece of information is important, because <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/11/191106183102.htm" rel="nofollow">families with single children tend to make less healthy eating decisions</a>. There's no specific reasons why that seems to be the case, but I know that I have a tendency to spoil my only child a bit, and I could see how that would easily get out of control with food.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I guess all of this is just another reason for me to review my son's caloric intake over the given week - looking at the total of the meals he gets at both home and school and to make sure we are introducing new foods wherever we can. (Sometimes he is open to it; sometimes he is not.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What tricks do you have to keep your dinners healthy? Share with me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-40075888834442178172019-11-06T04:47:00.001-08:002019-11-06T04:47:13.251-08:00Self-worth comes from Moms<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have a lot to thank my Mom for: My wit, my superior planning skills, my grit, my love of dresses with pockets.... There are a lot of lessons she taught me over the years - even if they were ones that I picked up on while just watching her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I now have one more item to add to that ever expansive list: My sense of self-worth. It turns out that Moms are the ones who feed our sense of importance when we are young - <a href="https://psychcentral.com/news/2019/11/02/good-relationship-with-mom-can-deter-teens-from-abusive-relationships/151521.html" rel="nofollow">even acting as a buffer to protect us from negative forces</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That's a lot of pressure to put on Moms (what else is new?), but ultimately very good to know.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I tell my son that he is important and how much he matters to our family and the world. I tell my son that he is capable of so many wonderful things in his lifetime. It's nice to know that my cheerleading will eventually stick with him and feed into his sense of self worth when he gets to those bumpier teenage years.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am sure there is a balance item to consider: As in, not over-feeding your child's sense of self worth. There is the reality that our children are not good at everything, but there are always areas of life that they are exceptional at. Highlighting the good parts is key to preventing long-term relationship issues, and negative self thoughts as they enter young adulthood.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, thank you, Mom, for always reminding me that I am worthy and loved.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Who helps lift you up when you need it? Share with me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-49504269047750653142019-11-04T05:18:00.003-08:002019-11-04T05:18:57.199-08:00Looping parents into education plans<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Our son's school recently completed the fall parent-teacher conferences that give us some insight into what the teachers plan to cover over the course of the year and any areas we need to help address at home. There was an interesting spin on the discussions this year, as the conference was led by our son.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">While the teachers floated around the room, my son walked my husband and I through a self-evaluation of what he has been working on and what he thinks he needs to improve upon. Two of his three teachers came over at some point (one just to observe and the other to chime in about how well he is doing with reading), but the majority of the conference was handled with my son in charge of the conversation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It was reassuring to know that he understood what he was doing this year, and the self-evaluation bit was fascinating. The teachers made it clear that if we wanted a more traditional discussion, they would schedule that as well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've chatted with my son's teachers before about how they address different skill levels in the classroom. It's not an easy task, but I know they have strategies to help with students at every level. Does this mean that my son gets individualized learning? Not really. But I am comfortable with the work that he is doing and am not anywhere near a point to <a href="https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/news/education/story/2019-11-03/parents-flock-to-charter-schools-for-home-school-personalized-education" rel="nofollow">take control of his education through home schooling</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have several friends who home school their children and love it - especially because they are able to tailor the work for each child and still meet the standards of each grade level. I'm not sure I have the patience for all that and I am positive my son doesn't want me to be his full-time teacher.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know that school selection is not an easy choice for any parent - we all want what is best for our child in the long run. But we also need to make sure we are meeting everyone's needs - being both a parent and full-time educator is a big job. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Are you happy with your child's school? What would you change? Talk about it in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-54519701165156251082019-11-01T04:49:00.002-07:002019-11-01T04:49:26.979-07:00The challenging type of play<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My husband, son and I are playing Rummikub. This is a game that I especially loved as a child and one that my husband is fond of as well. We are equally matched players, although I have a tendency to re-arrange all the tiles on the board more frequently than he does.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_12PKGHi-bM/XbwZ2Awk_yI/AAAAAAAABpY/Nl8b_yeZZqAdrVckkmRtmyg5z7QekD21ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/rummikub.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="441" data-original-width="1000" height="176" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_12PKGHi-bM/XbwZ2Awk_yI/AAAAAAAABpY/Nl8b_yeZZqAdrVckkmRtmyg5z7QekD21ACLcBGAsYHQ/s400/rummikub.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We taught this game to our son a few years ago, and he has played it off and on, but in the last few months he has come to appreciate the strategy of the game and he wants to beat us so badly. We play a few rounds, and then he wins. He is elated, he is overjoyed, he wants to play again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Later on, my husband asks if I let him win. I did not. That makes my husband smile.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am a great observer of the way my husband and son play. <a href="http://ididntlisten.blogspot.com/2017/06/men-at-play.html" rel="nofollow">I do not understand it</a>, to be sure, but I watch. And I read <a href="https://10daily.com.au/views/a191014xbqwz/why-dads-should-never-let-their-kids-win-20191019" rel="nofollow">studies like this one</a> pointing out that the challenging play that Fathers engage in can have lasting benefits for their children. Play during the younger years focuses around risks and accepting chances; play in the later teen years can lead to a sense of accomplishment - but only if Dad never lets his children win.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, yes, my son earned that victory over his parents in Rummikub, just like he earns his victories in all the games we play together. I always thought that letting him lose would help him learn how to deal with failure and some sense of resilience to try again, but I see now how it can also lead to great pride when he finally kicks our butts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What games do your children try to beat you at? Tell me in the comments. </span><br />
<br />Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-39565940454456340402019-10-30T04:39:00.001-07:002019-10-30T04:39:23.458-07:00Check in on sleep<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We've had an action-packed month. Looking over all the activities we've completed while still going to work or school, I am sure that none of us have gotten enough sleep. There have been numerous nights in which I've looked at the clock and realized it was well past my son's bedtime. And there have been many other nights when I've looked at the clock and realized it was past my bedtime.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And that bums me out, because I know how important sleep is for all our health.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-waFlt7SHzJI/VpjUGpnkPpI/AAAAAAAABFI/EEE_x9teSc8HXzYOSxNR8Qme2GR9qcjwwCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/pillows.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="667" height="298" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-waFlt7SHzJI/VpjUGpnkPpI/AAAAAAAABFI/EEE_x9teSc8HXzYOSxNR8Qme2GR9qcjwwCPcBGAYYCw/s400/pillows.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My son's schedule has shifted dramatically this year because his school start time changed, but we were really careful to ensure that he was still going to bed at a time he could still get around 9 hours of sleep. Nine hours sounds like a long, luxurious amount of time to an adult, but it is actually the <a href="https://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2019/10/25/study-over-50-of-school-age-children-in-us-not-getting-nearly-enough-sleep/" rel="nofollow">minimum amount of recommended time for his age group</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There will be plenty of times in my son's life when he will not make sleep a priority: When he is up late hanging out with friends, or when he is cramming for a test in college, or when he is awake at night trying to get his own child to sleep. But for now, I should be the one to ensure he is sleeping enough.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That means that I have to pay attention to the clock. And maybe (hopefully) that will remind me to pay attention to the clock for myself so that I get to bed on time, too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">How many hours of sleep does your child get at night? Share the number in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-76919662486819162582019-10-25T03:14:00.002-07:002019-10-25T03:14:51.748-07:00Time Ins versus Time Outs<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We don't do a lot of time outs in our household. I recall reading a lot of research around them when my son was younger and fully understanding that consistency was key with using them. But reading about something and practicing it are two different things. My husband and I hadn't worked through enough of the full details.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6wzbSuVKZXU/UmFM1uFAkOI/AAAAAAAAA-4/MKMTqtWwLMASUxKjOAbYosWDPJhRjNqTACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/sadboy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="755" data-original-width="604" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6wzbSuVKZXU/UmFM1uFAkOI/AAAAAAAAA-4/MKMTqtWwLMASUxKjOAbYosWDPJhRjNqTACPcBGAYYCw/s400/sadboy.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For example, we didn't have a designated place to send our son to serve the time out. His room was too fun and not effective, our room was boring, but he would constantly try to leave it (stubborn little guy that he is), and other locations just seemed too out in the open. Part of the reason why time outs were so great is that they are a way for both the parent and the child to calm down. Parents can't calm down if there is a crying child right next to them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Then I read about time ins and how they were more inclusive and didn't send the child away. I have tried those, but they feel like a weird type of punishment: I-am-punishing-you-by-making-you-sit-with-me type of response. What kind of message is that sending?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I honestly now think that it just depends on the kid you have. <a href="https://time.com/5700473/time-outs-science/" rel="nofollow">Some children respond well to time outs; others respond well to time ins</a>. The same is probably true of parents - we don't all feel comfortable doling out the exact same type of correction as the neighbors down the street. We all need to find what works for our own family (and then all hope that we don't need to use it very often).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Thankfully, my son is older now and we have graduated a bit from the time out/in stage. I guess we are at the point where my husband and I will have to start talking about grounding.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Wait...is that even still a thing?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do you use time outs or time ins in your family? Share with me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-2247648122513870602019-10-23T04:17:00.001-07:002019-10-23T04:17:36.256-07:00The dinnertime surroundings<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There are a lot of things that I love about our home - the loft area with the bookshelves that my wonderful husband built, the ability for me to have my own office, and the breakfast nook where we eat the majority of our meals. I love that little nook. There are large windows that look out onto our private backyard so the view is very green and it is not facing the street, so it tends to be quiet.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wPLGvjt8E7Q/U-3iTl-4-kI/AAAAAAAAAeM/kwGKghbBCRsHlanKVZVuq-vrCYDPHr8mQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/plate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="615" data-original-width="500" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wPLGvjt8E7Q/U-3iTl-4-kI/AAAAAAAAAeM/kwGKghbBCRsHlanKVZVuq-vrCYDPHr8mQCPcBGAYYCw/s400/plate.jpg" width="325" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">While we do take our meals in the dining room on occasion, I feel that the nook is cozier - especially when our cat winds her way through our legs during dinner. (She's not begging; she just really likes us to know that she is there.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We don't eat out that often, but when we do, I find myself easily irritated by restaurants that have multiple televisions in them. I understand if we choose to eat in a sports bar type of place, but I have seen more and more televisions appear in restaurants that don't make sense. I am annoyed by them, because they capture my son's attention as he eats and he will inevitably end up ignoring us - even when there are just commercials on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I do my best to keep us away from all screens at the dinner table, and we are pretty good about it. In addition to having us all pay attention to each other, it turns out that <a href="https://www.abc4.com/news/how-a-family-eats-impacts-what-they-eat-study-says/" rel="nofollow">meals that are screen-free tend to be healthier</a>. Maybe that feels a little obvious: When you are staring at a screen, you aren't necessarily paying attention to how much food you are shoveling into your mouth. (This is the reason I always run out of popcorn so early in a movie - I am eating it during the previews and don't really notice.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, we will continue to eat at home whenever possible and enjoy the good conversation and views. And, when we do eat out, I will try to not be overly annoyed at the televisions that crop up into our views. Or, maybe I'll start keeping a mental list of the places that don't have them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Where do you eat most of your meals as a family? Tell me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-6168798941900437282019-10-21T05:10:00.001-07:002019-10-21T05:11:01.332-07:00The ways we communicate<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My son's school recently had a boosterthon. It was one of those fun runs where the children all gather pledges per laps and the school uses the funds to purchase more technology. During the pledge drive, I received a daily email from the school, as well as numerous messages from the teachers and voicemail blasts about special pledge nights.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Kcij-XRbTc/U0rj-MFjDYI/AAAAAAAAATM/zOcuAgOUHUgw_dC6ecmWtM1ITHU2A628wCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/media_mondays.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="429" data-original-width="750" height="228" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Kcij-XRbTc/U0rj-MFjDYI/AAAAAAAAATM/zOcuAgOUHUgw_dC6ecmWtM1ITHU2A628wCPcBGAYYCw/s400/media_mondays.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was a little much.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The school met the fundraising goal, but by the third day, I think I stopped reading/listening to the messages. I really hope I didn't miss anything important that was dropped into the middle of the fundraising.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">All of those messages - combined with the alerts from the app that my son's teachers use and the texts from the school when there are changes in buses - makes me think that the school has a bit of a communication problem. I am sure that I didn't even get the full force of that problem as I am not on facebook and didn't receive the notices from that avenue.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Communication between schools and parents is vital. And I am OK with over-communication. But I think it is <a href="https://www.mediapost.com/publications/article/342205/parents-prefer-emails-for-most-messages-from-schoo.html" rel="nofollow">important for schools to pay attention to what methods parents prefer</a>. Most of us still like to hear everyday communications from teachers via emails. I can understand that: We can read those at our leisure and they don't feel like they need our immediate attention.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's hard to disrupt a teacher's entire plans at this point in the year, however, so maybe I'll save my feedback on the app use and voicemail blasts for non-urgent communications for the end of the year. Who knows...maybe I am in the minority and lots of parents enjoy the regular updates throughout the school day.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">How does your school send you information? Tell me about it in the comments. </span></span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-31743034558068055182019-10-16T04:32:00.002-07:002019-10-16T04:32:52.938-07:00The nostalgia you want to return to<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I remember being my son's age quite clearly. Not all of it, of course, but enough of it to recall what I liked about my childhood. I remember lots of fun outside and times at my best friend's house and summers spent at camp. It all seemed magical and wonderful and something I am thankful for.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ooa9mf_LCOc/VDrOHhYh2MI/AAAAAAAAAi4/xjQQyWgrG5sPCUmiVkzh_E9IiaTaVw4PACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/swingset.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="752" height="265" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ooa9mf_LCOc/VDrOHhYh2MI/AAAAAAAAAi4/xjQQyWgrG5sPCUmiVkzh_E9IiaTaVw4PACPcBGAYYCw/s400/swingset.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Cut to my son's life today: He has his own magical time at camps over the summer, and plenty of activities with friends that he is involved in during the school year. I hope that these are the memories that he is retaining. I want him to explore the world, feel connected to others and discover the activities that bring him joy. I want him to do that now so he will know what makes him happy as an adult.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As we grow up, the things that made us happy when we were little seem out of reach. So it is no wonder that adults are creating their own playgrounds. Or their own camps. I loved camp as a kid, and was interested in this <a href="https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/hello-muddah-hello-faddah-my-weekend-at-adult-summer-camp" rel="nofollow">long read about one person's experience at a camp for adults</a>. But I am not sure that would be something that I would ever sign myself up for. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I do, however, understand the appeal: Sometimes it is hard to make new friends in adulthood, and we all just want to return to that level playing field where we had no responsibilities (other than getting to the next activity on time).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am not sure if adult camps will stick around as my son gets older, or if by the time he is an adult there will be a new nostalgic trend he will want to take part in. My hope is that he always finds a way to connect with the activities that make him happy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Would you go to an adults-only camp? Tell me what you think in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-31177934073423454522019-10-14T07:06:00.002-07:002019-10-14T07:06:43.015-07:00Dividing the work means dividing the rewards<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My wonderful husband plays many roles in my life: He is my best friend, my rock in rough times and my partner. That last role is super important to me, because it is a big factor in the overall happiness level in our household. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-o18aLO96HOM/U84__uLegPI/AAAAAAAAAcM/2KoU3q0zz685_lMRSw-068ZDdXRqjr9mQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/hearts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="667" height="298" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-o18aLO96HOM/U84__uLegPI/AAAAAAAAAcM/2KoU3q0zz685_lMRSw-068ZDdXRqjr9mQCPcBGAYYCw/s400/hearts.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We both work jobs that we enjoy (but can be stressful), we both take care of the household and all the chores, and we communicate often about our son's life. Every week, we take a few minutes to discuss the upcoming week and what is going on in our work lives so we can be sure that we are covering all our bases. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This isn't always easy - sometimes we forget things and sometimes there are gaps that we need to figure out. But, it always makes me happy that we are in those conversations together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Because (and this should surprise exactly no one), <a href="https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-gender-equality-is-erasing-the-parental-happiness-gap" rel="nofollow">parents are happiest when childcare responsibilities are equally divided</a>. But to get to that point, parents have to constantly communicate about what those childcare responsibilities are. Because they change. Frequently. In fact, they change more frequently than most of us are ready for. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I hope my son picks up on this dynamic, because I want him to learn that marriages are partnerships that need to be worked on every day. And I want him to see his parents happy, so he knows that all the stuff we do to support one another is absolutely worth it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What do you want your children to learn from your relationship? Tell me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-24442783583660803062019-10-09T04:07:00.001-07:002019-10-09T04:07:02.877-07:00The right-sized home<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When we were in the market for a home, my very wise Mother gave me some practical advice: To buy the right-sized home for us. She wanted to make sure that we were buying a home that we could afford, of course, but also one that we could take care of without feeling that we were cleaning all the time. We fell in love with our current home and over the years, I've felt like it has exactly enough space for each of us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v86hUQBen3I/VAWevcf3WwI/AAAAAAAAAfM/u63yju1c0u0XK8eJA2bM0MqabwASuXu3ACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/neighborhood.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="667" height="298" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v86hUQBen3I/VAWevcf3WwI/AAAAAAAAAfM/u63yju1c0u0XK8eJA2bM0MqabwASuXu3ACPcBGAYYCw/s400/neighborhood.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Of course, we have taken a lot of effort to define the spaces in our home to ensure that everyone has their own space, and to establish the rules of the shared spaces so that we don't feel crowded. And that may be the key: <a href="https://www.fastcompany.com/90411584/bigger-really-is-better-for-a-happy-home-but-design-can-help" rel="nofollow">If your home feels too small, then the everyday stress of life tends to amplify</a>. Also fascinating: Girls tend to want more space than boys. Yeah, I get that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">On a somewhat related side note about spaces in the home: It has always fascinated me that guest bedrooms exist in small homes, and that the room is not being actively used for another purpose. I understand that folks like to entertain, but my brain can't wrap itself around exclusively devoting space in your home to other people who aren't there most of the time. But maybe I just don't have the right mindset for entertaining guests...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My husband and I sometimes talk about what our home will be like when our son moves out and if we would want to continue to stay in the house we have now. Something about the space would definitely feel off and I wonder if our home would seem too big for just two people </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In the meantime, I will continue to be thankful for the space that we call home - especially after long days of school and work, where we can reconnect, unwind and choose to spend time together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Does everyone in your home have their own space? Tell me about it in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-64128449613670011382019-10-07T04:56:00.000-07:002019-10-07T04:56:08.637-07:00When we overeat together<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am a big fan of the family dinner. I think of it as a sort of a family reward - at the end of a long day of work and school and being apart, we can come together and eat something yummy (I try my best) and catch up with one another. Sure, we are sometimes exhausted or not in the best of moods, but most of the time, family dinners are my favorite part of the day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EYi2ugRSWuw/U4t83z2KFdI/AAAAAAAAAX0/nkdxV8ztS10GgRQOeor_c2TzdZROndDZgCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/cake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="667" height="298" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EYi2ugRSWuw/U4t83z2KFdI/AAAAAAAAAX0/nkdxV8ztS10GgRQOeor_c2TzdZROndDZgCPcBGAYYCw/s400/cake.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The connection between food and togetherness runs deep in human history. We ate communal food in our tribes long before the invention of Thanksgiving. But it is surprising to learn that <a href="https://medicalxpress.com/news/2019-10-people-dining-friends-family.html" rel="nofollow">eating in a communal way makes us consume more food than when we eat alone</a>. Interestingly, this over-consumption only happens around people we know.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We've all eaten alone - whether in a restaurant, at our desks at work or over the kitchen sink - and it feels very utilitarian. "Here is the food that I am going to consume so I don't pass out from hunger" kind of eating. Less enjoyment, for certain. Whereas meals with family and friends has more conversation and eating off each other's plates and "let's split a dessert" type of enjoyment. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, we eat more when we are together. That is something to pay attention to while I am enjoying our family dinners - to ensure that we aren't over-indulging while we enjoy each other's company.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do you ever prefer to eat alone? Tell me about it in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-23988678595021448882019-10-04T05:33:00.000-07:002019-10-04T05:33:02.770-07:00More meaningful conversations at dinner<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Somewhere in my house there is one of those decks of conversation topics that the entire family can answer. And that is a good thing, because I need a little help.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wPLGvjt8E7Q/U-3iTl-4-kI/AAAAAAAAAeM/kwGKghbBCRsHlanKVZVuq-vrCYDPHr8mQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/plate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="615" data-original-width="500" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wPLGvjt8E7Q/U-3iTl-4-kI/AAAAAAAAAeM/kwGKghbBCRsHlanKVZVuq-vrCYDPHr8mQCPcBGAYYCw/s400/plate.jpg" width="325" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mornings are not a good time for quality conversations in our household. Most of the family doesn't want to talk because they are too tired. So our conversations tend to revolve around the necessary details of getting ready for the day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We usually have better luck with conversations at the dinner table, but we have fallen into a bit of a rut. We don't have much to share about our days sometimes (and that is fine - not every day can be exciting), but we don't take that time to talk about other topics that would be of interest to the entire family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That is where the conversation topic cards will hopefully help. Because I am usually too tired to think of topics in the moment.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20191001-the-word-gap-that-affects-how-your-babys-brain-grows" rel="nofollow">I know that conversations with my child matter</a>. They mattered when he was first learning to speak and needed to be exposed to lots of words, and they matter now as he still needs to be exposed to new concepts and ideas. I don't want to let him down because Mommy has fallen into a conversational rut.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, I guess I'll spend some time looking for those cards. And maybe (hopefully) we will have some more interesting things to talk about as we connect at the end of the day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Are there any conversation topics you like to cover at dinnertime? Tell me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-45240721542948423162019-10-02T04:39:00.001-07:002019-10-02T04:39:10.821-07:00Hitting the right tone<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I think about the tone of voice that I use a lot.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I think about it at work whenever I have a crucial conversation with a coworker - I try to keep my tone neutral and curious. I think about it at home as I encourage my son to get ready for school, which is (admittedly) a tone that can have a sharp edge to it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s58W_TVK5yo/VITyMP6Iy_I/AAAAAAAAAkY/HFcduRJKxzs0RNnHC1YcmUM26KgFC3JhACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/teen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="750" height="266" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s58W_TVK5yo/VITyMP6Iy_I/AAAAAAAAAkY/HFcduRJKxzs0RNnHC1YcmUM26KgFC3JhACPcBGAYYCw/s400/teen.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm definitely not perfect. There are lots of times when my words come out harsher than intended or more nagging than loving. But I try to cut myself off from talking any further when I hear my words come out strained.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And this is good practice for when my son becomes a teen, as <a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2019/09/27/best-tone-of-voice-parents-should-use-to-motivate-kids-researchers-say.html" rel="nofollow">tones of voice really matter</a>. In a study that should surprise no one, teens don't react well to conversation tones that sound more demanding or controlling. But, what is good to know is that they do respond more to tones that sound more motivational.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The researchers who participated in the study also found that "you should" language tends to be ignored by teens, but phrases like "I propose" work better as they feel more invited into the conversation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That is a hard transition for parents to make. We are used to telling our children what to do. And they still have a lot to learn in their teenage years. So, I guess I should start practicing my tones and listening to my own words now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">How would you describe the tones you use to talk with your family members? Share the details in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165713352639219626.post-25329168118308625872019-09-30T05:05:00.000-07:002019-09-30T05:05:48.717-07:00Teaching kids about distractions<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My son is easily distracted. If I ask him to go upstairs and put on socks, he has a few more things he wants to tell me, and then he wants to pet the cat, and sometimes he gets all the way upstairs and forgets why he was sent up there and starts reading a book.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Lately, I've had him repeat items back to me so that we are both clear on what he should be doing. Sometimes that works, but sometimes the need to snuggle with the cat wipes instructions from his memory.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Maybe it's not fair to say that he is easily distracted. Maybe it would be more fair to say he is normally distracted for his age.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But this is something that parents find that they have to teach their children about: <a href="https://www.inc.com/christina-desmarais/science-says-most-successful-kids-have-parents-who-do-these-5-things_2.html" rel="nofollow">How to think about limiting distractions from their own lives</a>. To think about limits, however, children have to understand that distractions exist in the first place. This is not obvious to them, and short of following my son around for a few hours to point out times that he got distracted in the middle of a task, I am not sure how to show him what distractions are. (Also: That sounds really annoying for both of us.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know that I deal with a lot of distractions in my own day: Messages pop up at work that I need to handle, phone texts come in that I feel bad if I try to ignore. But I will say that on the days that I deliberately set aside a few hours for some focused work and cut out all the distractions, I find I can get so much more done.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Now, I just need my son's full attention so we can start the conversation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">How do you teach your child to minimize distractions? Tell me in the comments. </span>Lauren Markmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00543108748331465987noreply@blogger.com0