Going from DINKs to parents

Dual-Income, No Kids.

That's what my husband and I were for a very long time. We spent years together working, traveling, figuring out who was the better chef (me), who was handier around the house (him) and having long discussions about the type of family we wanted to have one day. I had been with my husband for thirteen years before I got pregnant, and I know him better than any other person in this world.

But a few months before my due date, I started thinking about my husband differently. I started thinking of him less as the man that I married and more as the man who would be the father of our child. I started thinking about our partnership in life and what that would look like when baby made three.

And it turns out, I am not the only woman to have those thoughts.

A recent study posted in Parenting: Science & Practice tried to break down the behaviors that led to "maternal gatekeeping," the behaviors and thoughts of new mothers who are trying to determine whether or not to encourage dad's interaction with his child. Researchers wanted to know what made women close the gate.

Not entirely surprisingly, it had to do with partnership. Through a series of questions both pre- and postpartum, women tended to turn away partners who:

• Made them feel that their relationship was unstable
• Displayed questionable parenting skills and didn't try to improve them

So, it seems rather obvious, but I'll go ahead and state it here again: You really need to know who you partner is as a person, before you bring a little life into the mix.

How many years did you spend with your partner before you had a child? Share with me in the comments.