Friday, February 16, 2018

Not catching your kids when they fall

When our children are little, we are at the end of the playground slide, catching them when they reach the bottom. We are there, standing behind them as they tentatively cross the monkey bars. And we are the first to offer a steadying finger when they try to stay balanced when walking across a low curb.

Because we love them, and we want to catch them when they fall.

As they get older, they may not need our fingers anymore, so we find other ways to support them. Like when they have bad days at school. Or have a fight with a friend.

There comes a time when our children know what they are supposed to do, and they need to do it. They need to do it without us reminding them, or prodding them or (yikes!) doing the task for them.

I know lots of parents who still help their high school age children with homework and dictate their time management schedules for them and still treat them like they did when those kids first entered elementary school.

So when is the best time to ease off the overly supportive parenting behavior?

According to one study: Third grade.

Of course, the study is small, and it really only studies Moms (why is it always only Moms?). But it is worth a look to remind us that there is going to be a time when we need to back off on our levels of emotional support for our children - probably long before we are ready to do so.

You know - the same way we backed away from the slide long before we really wanted to let them do it on their own.

Do you feel like you give your child the right level of emotional support? Why or why not? Share with me in the comments.

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