Time Ins versus Time Outs

We don't do a lot of time outs in our household. I recall reading a lot of research around them when my son was younger and fully understanding that consistency was key with using them. But reading about something and practicing it are two different things. My husband and I hadn't worked through enough of the full details.

For example, we didn't have a designated place to send our son to serve the time out. His room was too fun and not effective, our room was boring, but he would constantly try to leave it (stubborn little guy that he is), and other locations just seemed too out in the open. Part of the reason why time outs were so great is that they are a way for both the parent and the child to calm down. Parents can't calm down if there is a crying child right next to them.

Then I read about time ins and how they were more inclusive and didn't send the child away. I have tried those, but they feel like a weird type of punishment: I-am-punishing-you-by-making-you-sit-with-me type of response. What kind of message is that sending?

I honestly now think that it just depends on the kid you have. Some children respond well to time outs; others respond well to time ins. The same is probably true of parents - we don't all feel comfortable doling out the exact same type of correction as the neighbors down the street. We all need to find what works for our own family (and then all hope that we don't need to use it very often).

Thankfully, my son is older now and we have graduated a bit from the time out/in stage. I guess we are at the point where my husband and I will have to start talking about grounding.

Wait...is that even still a thing?

Do you use time outs or time ins in your family? Share with me in the comments.