Monday, March 26, 2018

Thinking about future support

It was time for my son to get ready for bed (or as we call it: his "clean routine"). He likes to stall some nights (shocking, I know), but after a few minutes, he gave in to our insistence that it was time to move along. As he was going up the stairs, he called out to us: "I won't be staying here with you forever, you know. One day, I'll move out."

When my husband and I were done laughing at his declaration, it occurred to me that I was very happy that he understands that he is not supposed to live with us forever.

I have a few friends at work whose older children don't want to move out of the house and live independent lives. And - to be clear - these young adults have jobs and could afford to live on their own, but they can't afford the lifestyle they have while living with their parents.

My friends don't have the heart to kick their children out of the house, but they know they should. Because aren't we all supposed to go through those first-time-on-your-own struggles and hopefully learn something and grow?

It is easy for me to say this all now, I guess, as my son is still a decade away from his threat of leaving the house. But it is interesting to read all the different levels of support parents give to their adult children. I know my Mom helped me afford settling into my first apartment when I got my first after-college job and how much I appreciated that support (thanks, Mom!) From her perspective, however, maybe the investment was worth it to get me out of the house.

As a parent - how do you know where to set the line in terms of support for your young adult? How much support is too much?

Or maybe this is the real question: Does your teen want to live with you forever or move out? Tell me in the comments.

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