I think about it at work whenever I have a crucial conversation with a coworker - I try to keep my tone neutral and curious. I think about it at home as I encourage my son to get ready for school, which is (admittedly) a tone that can have a sharp edge to it.
I'm definitely not perfect. There are lots of times when my words come out harsher than intended or more nagging than loving. But I try to cut myself off from talking any further when I hear my words come out strained.
And this is good practice for when my son becomes a teen, as tones of voice really matter. In a study that should surprise no one, teens don't react well to conversation tones that sound more demanding or controlling. But, what is good to know is that they do respond more to tones that sound more motivational.
The researchers who participated in the study also found that "you should" language tends to be ignored by teens, but phrases like "I propose" work better as they feel more invited into the conversation.
That is a hard transition for parents to make. We are used to telling our children what to do. And they still have a lot to learn in their teenage years. So, I guess I should start practicing my tones and listening to my own words now.
How would you describe the tones you use to talk with your family members? Share the details in the comments.
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