Taking classes on happiness

Above my desk is a sign that reads "choose happy." My son asked me why I decided to put it there.

"It is in a place where I can see it often and be reminded by it," I said.

"You need to be reminded to always be happy?" he asked.

"Well, the sign isn't telling me to always be happy. No one can be happy all the time. We need to experience all of our emotions when they come over us, and we shouldn't try to force ourselves to feel something we don't. The sign reminds me that if I have a choice between two options, to pick the option that would lead to more happiness."

"I like it," my son said. "I think people shouldn't choose things that make them sad."

And then he scampered off.

I am glad that my son and I have conversations around emotions - always when he is in a calm state of mind - so that he can understand that we can make decisions that can lead to different emotions. This is, of course, only something that we can talk about when he is open to the discussion. You can't have emotions-based discussions with children when they are deep in the throws of any emotion (joy, anger, petulance) because it doesn't matter what you say, they will not hear your message.

It's vital that my son understands how to deal with his emotions in a healthy way. This is especially true after reading about the popularity of this class at Yale dealing with happiness. Its enrollment numbers are through the roof because students have suppressed their emotions for so long during the stress of high school, that they need a reminder of how to put them back into their lives.

So, I remind my son that it is OK if he feels mad now, but we will need to talk about things later on. And we do. And I remind him that I love him no matter what his emotions are. And I remind myself to choose happy.

How do you help your child learn how to identify their emotions? Tell me in the comments.