I would like to think that our family has a wide variety of interests. And while I give us a lot of credit for trying new things, I do recognize that a lot of our free time is spent on pursuits that fall on the geeky scale. I am OK with that as "geeky" is way cooler than it used to be.
I never thought about the geek influence my husband and I have on our son. But, it turns out we influence him a lot - at least in my husband's case. Researchers studying British twins have found that children of older fathers (first-time dads in their 30s) tend to score higher on the geek index.
A few immediate thoughts about this:
- I didn't know that there was something called a geek index. But it is a real combination of IQ, focus and social aloofness.
- Fathers' ages matter. Mothers' ages don't.
- Huh.
I guess it makes sense - fathers who are older when they have their children are more likely to have more education and have a high geek index themselves. What amazes me is that this is entirely a by-product of Dads - Mom's geekiness is not a factor.
So...in an age where geek is good, I guess this is good news. (Except for that social aloofness one - that is not necessarily great.)
How do you feel about having your child described as a geek? Tell me in the comments.
My son is at a fun age where he can appreciate more movies than a few years ago. So, we have been watching Disney movies lately. He laughs at all the right places in Lilo & Stitch and dances next to me during A Little Mermaid. And I can't tell you how happy I was when he cited Moana as one of his favorites.
Because the reality is that we need more complex female leads in movies.
Common Sense Media polled its vast army of parents about gender roles in movies, and parents have spoken: We need better female role models in all media. It's important for girls to know that there is more to life than their looks or certain pigeonholed careers, and it is important for boys to know that girls are just as complex as they are.
But beyond the media, I think this is a message that can be reinforced at home. We've had lots of dinnertime conversations around gender - with the basis of all those conversations being around respect. Everyone deserves it, regardless of gender.
Would I like to see a huge shift in media when it comes to gender stereotypes? Yes, of course I would. But I can also still control what my son watches right now, so it is my responsibility to cherry pick the materials that he watches and help provide that balance until the rest of the world catches up.
How do you feel about media's portrayal of women these days? Tell me in the comments.
Drawing has never been my strong suit. I like to color but have never been skilled at drawing something (even if I get to color it in later). I realize that like any hobby, to enjoy it I would need to practice it. Drawing has never made my list of habits that I want to pick up.
Which explains why I never made an A in art class...but now I wonder what it was that all those art teachers were grading me on. I digress.
I don't want my son to lose out on the opportunity to learn drawing, so I ended up getting some drawing books. They are really good for people like me who can draw basic shapes, but don't know how to fit them together to make the drawing look like a bird or a knight or a cat. It is very simple, but it is a start.
And my son really loves them. We went through the books and now we know how to draw dragons and bugs and sea creatures. Full disclosure: His drawings often look better than mine. I started to wonder about why his drawings were so good - is it because he has learned to make letters much more recently than I have so he is more careful with his strokes? Or does he have a natural talent?
In my search for answers, I stumbled across this article explaining how the way we draw circles tells people where we came from. So, clearly this drawing rabbit hole is deep, and I am not sure I want to fall into it.
So, for now, I will stick with the basic drawing books and enjoy the hummingbirds my son loves to draw on the inside of cards and let him take the lead with our art. If/when he is ready to move beyond basic shapes, I'll support him. (Even if I may need to stick with the basic shapes.)
Do your children enjoy drawing? How do you help support them? Tell me in the comments.
My son and I are having breakfast before I have to take him to camp. I like this extra time together in the morning. And I like what we are eating: Muffins and milk. My son drinks milk like most children do, so when he pulls the cup away from his face, there is a white mustache above his top lip.
We are milk drinkers. Specifically, we drink cow's milk. I fully appreciate the wide-range of other milks out there for people who are lactose intolerant, but I also chuckle at the idea of milking an almond. There are no allergies in our family, so when my son turned one we introduced him to cow's milk and haven't looked back.
So, I pay attention to milk studies, like this one that questioned my belief in all the "does your body good" ads of my youth. And this new one that points out that children who drink alternative milk (read: non cow's milk) tend to be shorter than those who do.
Granted, it is not a lot shorter, but since my son has declared that he wants to be taller than my husband and I, we are not going to take any chances: We are going to stick with cow's milk.
What type of milk does your family drink? List your favorite in the comments.
I'm a little bummed. I got a text from a faraway friend who is going to be in my city next week, but it happens to be on a day I will not be around. It is one of those spontaneous meetings that just didn't work out and I am trying to take comfort in the fact that I will see her again in a few months for our twice-a-year gals getaway.
That missed opportunity made me think about my time with friends: It is special and precious and memorable. It also made me realize that my son has reached an age when he doesn't need me around as much and for the first time in ages, I have my own free time again.
What to do with all that found time?
One smart option would be to spend more time with my friends. A series of studies researching friendships and health over time have found that friendships have a stronger affect on our health as we age than family does.
It's important to remember that the effect goes both ways: So toxic friendships can stress us out and affect our health adversely just as easily as happy friendships can give us a boost in our lives when we need it the most.
Most parents have a hard time mixing friends into the mix of their new families - it's difficult to balance baby and work and sleep and time with your spouse and friends. Because of that, friends fall by the wayside...but they are still there. True friends are still there for when you are ready to pick up right where you left off.
How do you make time for your friends? Tell me in the comments.
I was flying to San Francisco and had an aisle seat. Next to me (in the middle seat) was a little boy of 6-years-old. The man next to him at the window seat wasn't his dad.
When I located his dad (in the row behind us), I had assumed that they had been booked on the flight in the only seats available. The other gentleman and I in the row asked if the dad wanted to switch with one of us. But he declined. He said that he and his wife wanted to let their children experience the responsibility of what it was like to fly alone. (His wife was in the opposite side of the aisle from me with her daughter seated in the row in front of her between two strangers.)
While I can appreciate wanting your children to have more responsibility, the little boy seated next to me was not ready for this. He was six. So, he needed help with his iPad, ordering a drink, opening the free cookie snack, understanding the turbulence and...everything else. The other gentleman in the row and I helped him, but I wanted to reach into the row behind me and smack some sense into the little boy's dad.
As a parent, I understand that flying with your children is hard. There is more luggage, more planning, a bigger need to stay flexible and (probably) more tears. A lot of other travelers are not nice about it (one study found that 52% of people believe that parents should have their own section of the plane). But why make traveling with children even harder by not sitting with them?
For the record, the little boy was very polite and well behaved and listened to me when I asked him to stop kicking the seat in front of him. But he was six. And he needed help. He needed to travel with his parents.
What's your secret to traveling with children? Tell me in the comments.
I am not sure if our son will ever want to go to college. He's a long way off from that day, and by the time he is old enough for higher learning, college may or may not still be seen as necessary for a successful career. Additionally, he has announced that he is building a transporter in our loft, and if that works out I see no reason why he should need college learning for a career. What I am saying is: You never know.
What I do know is that we still save funds as if he were going to college one day. Saving all that money now is (in theory) easier than getting hit with all those bills at once. And that avoidance of one lump sum is good advice whether you are the student or the parent footing the bill.
And because it usually is parents helping to foot the bill, GoBankingRates did some fancy math to determine how much a family would need to earn in order to afford college tuition bills on top of all their other expenses (groceries, cost of living and health care.)
The results can be found in this nifty chart that tells me that families with students wanting to go to college in Hawaii and California have got bad news, while parents of students attending midwest universities can celebrate. It's a little odd to think that the number one thing a family can do to help save for college is...move.
Do you have a college savings plan for your children? Tell me in the comments.
When I was a teen, I talked to my Mom about getting a job. She told me that I already had a full-time job, which was to be an excellent student. So, I stayed unemployed and maintained excellent grades. When summer approached, I talked to her again about getting a job, and she reminded me that I would be working my whole life: I should enjoy the summer off while I could.
My Mother is a very wise woman.
My first teenage jobs came in college, and they worked with my schedule and they taught me a lot about time management and balance and responsibility. And, looking back, I am grateful that I had those last few precious summers off.
My experiences make me wonder about what I still regularly see in media today: Is the summer job still a rite of passage? The latest sets of data don't think so - fewer teenagers are employed or even looking for a job. The reason: They are too busy studying.
Advanced placement classes, summer enrichment programs, getting a head start on next year's course loads - those have all replaced working at the local restaurant over the summer months. College-bound teens are volunteering their time to build up their applications instead of serving as the lifeguard at the local pool. The benefits of having that first job to learn about the workplace - that has been put on the back burner until after college.
I wonder if I will follow in my Mother's footsteps and give my son freedom while I still can.
What was your first teenage job? Tell me in the comments.
I love watching my Mom swim. She is like a fish in the water - all clean lines and muscles in motion. I am noticeably less graceful in the water, but I can swim. My Mom made sure we had lessons at an early age and knew more than the basics.
I have inherited her philosophy that everyone needs to know how to swim: My son goes to weekly lessons and even though he is now a strong swimmer, I keep an eye on him whenever we are around water. This goes double for unpredictable water like lakes or the ocean.
He may not always realize it, but he is a supervised kid.
I was under the impression that we had lots of helicopter-style parents these days, but then I read this study by the University of Michigan finding that many parents don't supervise their children when swimming.
And let's be clear here: These parents are letting their children go to pools completely unattended. Not even a lifeguard. That worries me.
The only time that I wasn't actively supervised at the pool - either by my Mother or a lifeguard - was during adult swim, when all the children had to sit on the edge of the pool watching their parents take a long-awaited, kid-free dip while the Light 80s Rock station played in the background. I would usually hang out in a shady spot with friends and wait for the whistle that would make all the parents scurry out of the pool and children splash back in.
Side note: As an adult, I love adult swim time.
As for me, I will be watching my son stay afloat - whether from the sidelines or in the pool with him.
Did your children take swimming lessons? Tell me at what age they started in the comments.
After dinner one night, we were looking through some photos and videos of when our son was a one-year-old. Looking back at that age felt like a giant oxymoron: It seemed like forever ago; it seemed like it was only yesterday. I was marveling at how much he has grown up and how much fun he is now when I was struck by the thought about how much easier our life has become.
When he was younger and I was working full time and he was in daycare...everything just seemed so much harder. There were a lot of times that I wondered if being a full-time breadwinner was worth it in the long run.
I know I am not alone in that - most Mothers struggle with the decision to stay at home or go back to work. I only wish that I had read something like this article dissecting the strategies of working Moms.
Some of the items discussed on that link, I had worked out myself (the daycare math over time, letting things go, the backup plans), but I didn't necessarily work those things out the easy way. It's nice to see that so many women have figured out how to take care of themselves and their families and that women are there to share knowledge with each other.
Now, of course, I am so glad that I made the decisions about my career that I did: I absolutely love my job and I love being a role model for my son. I want him to see that everyone in our family has a responsibility to each other and that the decisions we make can affect everyone.
What's your best working Mom tip that you want others to know? Share it in the comments.
When I was little my parents let me choose one night a week to stay up an extra half-hour. I cannot tell you how crazy-special this was to me at the time, especially in the summer when I felt like the sun hadn't even gone down before I was already tucked in. Normally, I chose Friday nights, because we would watch must-see-tv together as a family and I would be able to sleep in on Saturday morning.
Now that I am a parent, I realize that I am not as nice as they were.
I am really strict about my son's bedtime and it really bothers me when he goes to bed late (especially if the lateness is caused by him dragging out his evening routine). I've often wondered if I should take a more casual stance around this, especially as we approach the summer months and he'll be off school.
But then I remembered what a grumpy little bear he can be in the morning when he hasn't had enough sleep. And I remembered that I have to wake him up for camp still, so he can't sleep in and get up according to his own clock. And then I read this study reinforcing the concept that strictness about bedtimes (not gentle encouragement, but actual rules about times) are the best to ensure little ones get enough sleep.
So, I had my son read the study, too. He made a face at me after reading it, but he also gave me a hug. Will this help later on when he is told that it is bedtime? I have no idea, but he has to go to sleep on time anyway.
Do you let your children stay up later on non-school nights? Tell me about it in the comments.
I do not understand the way my husband and son play together.
Yes, I have read the research around the importance of fathers and the way they play with their children. I understand that fathers encourage their children to take more risks and explore the world. I also understand how important it is for children to play differently with each parent; it's their first level of learning how playing is defined on an individual level.
But, when I hear my son's shrieking from the next room, followed by giggling, then yelling, then laughter from both, then annoyance, rough-housing, more yelling, tattling and then going back in for more...I have to question the sanity of my household. I don't understand how my husband and son play together. Is that...is that fun? It doesn't look like (or sound like fun). But they are both egging each other on...so I guess they like it.
I don't get it.
What really weirds me out is knowing that if we had had a daughter, my husband's brain would most likely be wired differently to respond to her needs. Really. His whole brain. With different "play" wiring. Just because of gender.
Sometimes I think life is a little easier when we don't know all the things.
In the meantime, the next time I hear escalated noise from the next room over, I will try to remind myself that my husband and my son are enjoying each other's company in their unique way and that I don't have to understand it. It's just how they are both hard wired to play.
What is your favorite way to play with your children? Tell me in the comments.
Take a walk through memory lane with me back to your teenage years. (Sorry, this may be a bumpy ride.) Were they mostly happy? Did you feel misunderstood? Did you feel stressed out? Did you ever feel depressed?
You can return to your present-day life now, but think about that last question a little bit more. Because, there is a very real chance that you were depressed as a teenager but no one noticed. This is mostly because of all those other emotions that are going on during our teenage years. Lots of teens get their behavior labeled as "angst" and never get the help they may need for depression.
And that is really tough for parents: There's no online quiz to take to see if your teen is angsty, stressed, moody or actually depressed. To make things harder, teens generally avoid using terms like "depressed" to state their moods. Instead, they will use words like "stressed out" or "angry."
So what's Mom and Dad to do? Experts say talk often - especially after high-emotional moments like a large argument or exams at school. The key is to figure out what words your teen substitutes for "depressed" and not just label their emotions for them.
Sigh. I thought this parenting thing was supposed to get easier as the kids got older.
Does your teen talk about being stressed a lot? Share in the comments.
